im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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