about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
