So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
