if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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