I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
