I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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