Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
