i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
