im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
