White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize