Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
