My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
