So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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