I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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