.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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