She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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