had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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