All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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