Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
