She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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