I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
