After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
