They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
