How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Randomize
