please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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