Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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