1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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