What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
