I need to stop coming to work sober
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize