May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
