u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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