Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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