If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
