He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
