it's not cheating when I paid for it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
