At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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