her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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