Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
