Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
