so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
