Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
