my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
