can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
third nipple confirmed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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