Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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