i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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