I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize