im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
