Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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