Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
