I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
