Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
