We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
