I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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