didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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