Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
