I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
