I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
