he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
