Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
