We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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