I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
