You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
