it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
