we're blogging at a bar
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
