Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
