my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
