i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
