I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
